Atlanta Hawks: State Farm Arena Should Be Renamed ‘The Waffle House’

AUBURN, AL - JULY 06: Waffle House restaurant in Auburn, Alabama on July 6, 2018. Atlanta Hawks (Photo By Raymond Boyd/Getty Images)
AUBURN, AL - JULY 06: Waffle House restaurant in Auburn, Alabama on July 6, 2018. Atlanta Hawks (Photo By Raymond Boyd/Getty Images) /

A fanciful discussion of whether the Atlanta Hawks new home arena, the rather blankly named State Farm Arena, should be renamed in honor of one of Atlanta’s finest establishments: Waffle House!

A few weeks ago, the Atlanta Hawks announced they had signed a deal with State Farm to play in State Farm Arena. The deal was reportedly for 20 years, mirroring the last agreement signed back in 1999 with Philips

That’s all well and good. Awesome to have a “good neighbor” on our team.

But consider this–what if the Atlanta Hawks reached out to a certain beloved Southern institution for the new naming of their arena?

You already know which one I speak of, and you already know what they would call it.

“The Waffle House.”

Does anything scream “Atlanta” more?

“Quavo’s Crib” would be a hard sell.

“The House that Wilkins Built” is too wordy. “Wilkins Wonderland,” perhaps?

And any other corporate moniker in the vein of “State Farm Arena” induces yawns.

Logically, Waffle House remains the easiest and best partner for an arrangement such as this. With the quality of the on-court product questionable for the next few years, the fanbase needs a shot in the arm. A collaboration with Waffle House would give the Atlanta Hawks franchise something to be proud of and help tide them over until Trae Young‘s first MVP award. (Too soon to anoint him? Nonsense.)

light. Must Read. Trae Young Named Best Shooter, Playmaker by His Peers

In a league like the NBA, non-contending teams get lost in the shuffle. With feuds, superstars, and, fittingly, feuds between superstars in no short supply, it can be difficult to insert yourself into the news cycle positively.

So, here’s what should happen. Waffle House and the Atlanta Hawks agree to a naming deal that spans three years. Three years! That’s all. At $5 million a year. Three years, $15 million. Badda bing badda boom.

Waffle House can scrounge up the money by deciding not to open half the stores they regularly do in a given week. Those things are as numerous as grains of sand on a Tybee Island beach.

Or, they can put out donation boxes in all of their stores. With approximately 2,100 restaurants, each one would need to contribute a mere $7,142.85. I’m of the optimistic opinion that we can get one drunk benefactor to mistakenly misplace a comma or two on his tip amount for this.

The three years is the estimated timeline it will take for these Atlanta Hawks to become ‘The Warriors of the East‘. Then, once we start contending and our slots on a draft board become All-Stars, we can return to being a formal enterprise and settle down with a nice corporate sponsor like State Farm. We have our three party years, then we grow up and get our big boy name.

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It’s not a lengthy commitment, it gets some positive press, and it swells the state with pride.

“The Waffle House” as a name implies playfulness, quality, and grit(s). What more do we want out of this young Atlanta Hawks squad?

The arena dining possibilities are endless. SunTrust Park already has a Waffle House within their confines, but what if the Hawks took it one step further?

Time to think big. Stay with me now.

What if instead of plastic seats, we had red padded booths to watch the game from?

What if the court was patterned after a big rectangular waffle?

Waffle House shooting sleeves? Waffle House sweatbands? Waffle House city edition jerseys?

Or, simply just rename the arena “The Waffle House.”

Baby steps.

I call on the candid world that is the greater Atlanta area in joining me on this quest. Call your senator, call the Hawks, call Debbie from the Waffle House down the road. We, as a sum, are greater than our parts. We, together, can make this happen.

It’s definitely something to think about for Hawks CEO Steve Koonin. Throw some glitter on the tanking with a fan-supported diversion. By renaming the arena, you can successfully direct attention away from the upcoming 60-loss season.

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You’re welcome.

(I’ll take my compensation in the form of an Atlanta Hawks Carmelo Anthony jersey.)